Effortlessly Creative

My oldest is an artist. He does not think in a linear fashion. His thoughts are abstract. It's like he plucks little bits of random thought from his brain and crafts them into a single, cohesive idea or design. I like to think of ice cream churning inside his head. His thoughts don't come quickly, but when they do form, they just swirl around in there until they mature a bit and become useful.

He was in crafts today (he actually calls it woodshop because they carve wood and metal and use power tools) but couldn't finish his project because all the tools he needed were being used by other classmates. Brandon took this opportunity at "free time" to gather scraps of aluminum off the floor, and sculpted a ring, a badge, and what looked like a mini hand grenade. They were pretty cool. I'm positive he had no idea what that pile of scraps was going to become until he started bending and folding those cool, smooth bits, his creations slowly taking on a life of their own.

He has this natural gift of creating out of thin air. He's effortlessly creative. I'm a bit jealous of his gift. I wish I could do what he does. The boy needs an art studio, so he can clutter the space as he experiments with materials. What looks like chaos to most, can be inspiration to him. Something he started months ago, could magically find a purpose only because he spotted it again while working on something else. I expect many amazing creations to be born out of his imagination.

It's OK to let them fail

“You have to let him fail.”

Someone I trust said this to me recently. It’s something that I needed to hear, so I could take a step back from the “over-mothering” I do so well…and at times, not so well.

I am going to own what I’m doing wrong as a parent: I’m pushing him to be me. I didn’t know it, but looking back objectively, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m pressuring him to succeed. I’m expecting him to be me. For goodness sake! Look at him! He looks like me. He behaves like me. He becomes overwhelmed by the same things as me. He is me…

No, he's just a boy. I get so caught up in wanting him to be successful, I lose sight of this and end up pushing him to be someone else. I'm stealing valuable life lessons from him by not letting him try to succeed on his own. I need to snap out of it. He is a boy trying to find his way. He is a boy trying to discover who he is and who he wants to be, but he can’t because his mom is still trying to direct his every move. I'm finding it difficult let go of the boy who always turned to me for help, and accept he has now grown into someone who wants to be his own person. I need to accept that he can't always be successful. He needs to fail sometimes, and when he does fail, he'll be just fine.

I have started to remind myself daily to back off and to choose my words wisely. I now offer my time, but only if he needs me. I don’t force my time upon him. I'm keeping the "do it my way" to myself. I'm starting to stand back and watch him succeed or fail on his own. Whatever happens will be his victory to celebrate or his failure to learn from. 

I need to remember, "It’s OK to let him fail."