“You have to let him fail.”
Someone I trust said this to me recently. It’s something
that I needed to hear, so I could take a step back from the “over-mothering” I
do so well…and at times, not so well.
I am going to own what I’m doing wrong as a parent: I’m
pushing him to be me. I didn’t know it, but looking back objectively, that’s
exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m pressuring him to succeed. I’m expecting him to be me. For goodness sake! Look at him! He looks like me. He behaves
like me. He becomes overwhelmed by the same things as me. He is me…
No, he's just a boy. I get so caught up in wanting him to be successful, I lose sight of this and end up pushing him to be someone else. I'm stealing valuable life lessons from him by not letting him try to succeed on his own. I
need to snap out of it. He is a boy trying to find his way. He is a boy trying
to discover who he is and who he wants to be, but he can’t because his mom is
still trying to direct his every move. I'm finding it difficult let go of the boy who always
turned to me for help, and accept he has now grown into someone who wants to be
his own person. I need to accept that he can't always be successful. He needs to fail sometimes, and when he does fail, he'll be just fine.
I have started to remind myself daily to back off and to choose my words wisely. I now offer my time, but only if he
needs me. I don’t force my time upon him. I'm keeping the "do it my way" to myself. I'm starting to stand back and watch him
succeed or fail on his own. Whatever happens will be his victory to celebrate or his
failure to learn from.
I need to remember, "It’s OK to let him fail."
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