How to turn your mom into a crazy loon

 

I don't understand how it happens. One minute I'm making dinner because my 6 year-old is hungry, then the next 40 minutes I'm fighting with my child trying to convince him that he is in fact able to go into the bathroom by himself to wash up for dinner. He is pulling out all the stops to get me to drop everything in the kitchen and walk him to the bathroom. In other words, he's expertly taking control over dinner time and turning it into an argument that I don't want any part of:

• Owen: I'm scared to go by myself.
  Me: The light is on. You'll be fine.
• The movie last night scared me.
  Go wash your hands. Your dinner is getting cold.
• Why did you make dinner if the brothers aren't home?
  Because you said you were hungry.
• Why is your bedroom door closed?
  Because it's messy and I don't want to look at it.
• Open your door. It scares me closed.
• I'm not going to wash my hands if you don't reheat my dinner.
  I'm done talking about this. If you are hungry, go wash your hands.
• Will you reheat my dinner after I wash my hands?
  Yes
• Why aren't you reheating my dinner?
  Because you haven't washed your hands.
• Why can't someone else go with me?
  Because we are the only ones home.
• You're so mean making your child starve.
  I'm not making you starve. You're not washing your hands, so you are choosing not to eat.

You really must image that exchange with a whole lot of crying and wailing thrown in for effect. We do some form of this dance every day. It's exhausting and completely absurd. I know I am partially to blame for this crazy cycle we're stuck in. I tend to hyper focus on what I am doing, so I don't notice what is going on around me. By the time I realize what is happening, it's too late and I've lost a battle that should have never happened in the first place! I am convinced that I will be completely gray and crazy by the time my baby goes to college.

 

Swirly words make no sense

 

Do you remember being a kid and all the crazy thoughts that ran through your head? Words and pictures just swirled round and round, and then you opened your mouth, but only a tenth of what you were thinking came spilling out? Like Owen the other day with his, "I'm not tired. I'm British." I would love to know what the other 90% was swirling in that melon of his. It's amusing to watching my kids grow and change and process all the information being thrown at them. It's a wonder they ever make any sense at all.

The swirling thoughts are best when they result in a question that catches me by surprise. Filled with curiosity or absurdity, I try not to laugh, but I do crack a lot of smiles while I think over the answer. I try to be cautious with my answers, because I can be hopelessly thoughtless when I open my mouth. I sometimes think I was born without a filter or just plain old common sense. I can't tell you how many times my husband has pointed out what I've said, explained the possible impact, ending with me hanging my head in disbelief that I could be so clueless or insensitive. Our kids are no exception, so I try to slow down and take special care. Children tend to do as you do, not as you say. While the lessons we try to teach them verbally are important, how Russ and I behave and conduct ourselves carries far more weight. I want them to see that their question is important and requires some thought before I just blurt out an answer. They are funny little boys with crazy thoughts that come flying out of their mouths, and I love that. So far they are taking after me with the speak now, think later thing. But I also remind myself that kids are open books, so I shouldn't worry. They haven't learned what filters are and how to use them. They innocently tell you exactly what they are thinking. Right now, I can't get enough of it. I just hope as they grow into adults, they don't inherit my "foot in mouth" syndrome. It will be Russ's job to make sure that doesn't happen.

For the love of writing. For the love of ME.

I started this blog years ago because I love to write and tell stories about my family. It was a good way for our extended family to keep up with the everyday silliness and absurdities we called our life. You've been able to see what annoys us, when we are sick, when someone reaches a milestone, or when someone does something endearing. Over the last several years, though, it has become harder and harder to write. To say it simply, "Our lives have become more complicated."

A lot has happened to us, but I won't bore you with that. I will say that our hard times made an impact on my priorities and writing about what was happening wasn't one of them. Lately I have come to realize there's been a shift. Our lives have changed, our outlook has changed, the load we carry feels a bit lighter. With all this light breaking through the darkness, I feel like I'm still standing in the shadows wanting to feel the sun on my face. The sun is there. All I have to do is look up. I've spent a good chunk of my time taking care of everyone else and making them happy, that I've lost touch with myself and what makes me happy. Writing made me happy because it was "me" time. I loved to take time crafting a story out of something that caught my attention. Instead, my "me" time is 5 minutes here and there of checking my accounts and posting little snippets of our life on Facebook and Instagram. Kind of funny. If you are familiar with What's up with the Fullers? and Just a Moment in Fuller Time, you might see those 2 blogs were exactly what I post in social media only in more detail.

Now I'm back. How lame was I to just let this go? This was my joy. I miss writing. A LOT. Hoping I can find my groove again and find fun things to write about. Fingers crossed...