Where did the days go?

Dylan (in the black and orange Giants sweatshirt on right)
went away to camp for the first time this summer

Oh my goodness! My last post was about gearing up for summer, and here we are with less than 2 weeks of summer vacation left and not much to show for it! We had so many plans. Some worked out. Most didn't, but that's ok. I firmly believe the boys needed to have some truly boring days, and they had plenty. Dylan was lucky enough to go off to camp for a week with 8 school friends for the first time in his life. He loved it all except the all day hike. Buying candy everyday in the camp store more than made up for that misery. We also spent a quite a few days relaxing in Sea Ranch with my mother. Long days on the coast with beautiful trails, tide pools, beaches and a nearby lighthouse thrilled our adventurous side. A cliff-side home with big comfy chairs and panoramic views of the ocean served our laziness well when we were just that: lazy. The rest of summer was filled with occasional swim parties, playing with neighbors, video games, board games, legos, tv, or declarations of "I'M BORED!" I would suggest a book, call a friend, draw something, online math (yes, really)... After some grumbling, they would eventually fall into something to pass the time.

Honestly, my children are living the dream. When I was their age, my summers were always spent at home doing chores and watching tv. I didn't have friends in the neighborhood. I didn't know how to swim, so no public pools or cabana clubs. Summers were long, hot, and boring.

Now as much as I don't want to be that parent that schedules the hell out of my kids' free time, I look back at my own childhood and the nothingness that happened, and I definitely get sucked into trying to attain "awesome mom" status. Last year was the best summer of their lives. The boys had golf lessons every Saturday morning and tennis lessons 4 days a week for a month. They went houseboating on Shasta Lake and learned to wakeboard, bummed around Santa Cruz, played in the Exploratorium in San Francisco, toured the Old Sacramento underground, camped/fished/swam at June Lake, poked around the ghost town of Bodie, swam at the cabana club, and spent many a day/evening boating on the river. My oldest left us for 3 weeks to tour around Italy and Paris with his grandmother and great aunt. They didn't have time to be bored last year.

They obviously had an amazing summer last year, and I see it as a blessing in 2 ways. The first is that they actually got to live it. The second is that they now have an experience to compare. I think we are winning at this parenting thing, because not once have I heard the boys say that this summer sucks. They have shown disappointment when plans fell through and they had to stay home, but they have never placed blame or said anything negative about this summer. Don't get me wrong. Our house is just like any other house with bored children. There's plenty of brothers getting on each other's nerves resulting in bickering and yelling, but we are never blamed for their boredom.

Count down to summer

Summer is fast approaching, and our calendar is filling up. The kids are antsy to stop going to school, and I'm anxious to stop taking them. This time of year I look at the calendar every day hoping there isn't some crazy school activity I have to attend. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE MY KIDS, but I am done-zo by Memorial Day and really don't want to have to go to the school anymore than dropping off and picking up. If I could get out of that too, I would.

So the count down is on. 15 days to freedom. I am determined to do things different this summer. I don't want to spend this break doing the same things we always do, so I asked the kids to come up with a "wish list" for summer. They were told not everything on the list has to be realistic or practical. We encourage imaginations. You never know when some crazy idea will lead to something fantastic, so I told them to run with it. I can't wait to see what they come up with.

Effortlessly Creative

My oldest is an artist. He does not think in a linear fashion. His thoughts are abstract. It's like he plucks little bits of random thought from his brain and crafts them into a single, cohesive idea or design. I like to think of ice cream churning inside his head. His thoughts don't come quickly, but when they do form, they just swirl around in there until they mature a bit and become useful.

He was in crafts today (he actually calls it woodshop because they carve wood and metal and use power tools) but couldn't finish his project because all the tools he needed were being used by other classmates. Brandon took this opportunity at "free time" to gather scraps of aluminum off the floor, and sculpted a ring, a badge, and what looked like a mini hand grenade. They were pretty cool. I'm positive he had no idea what that pile of scraps was going to become until he started bending and folding those cool, smooth bits, his creations slowly taking on a life of their own.

He has this natural gift of creating out of thin air. He's effortlessly creative. I'm a bit jealous of his gift. I wish I could do what he does. The boy needs an art studio, so he can clutter the space as he experiments with materials. What looks like chaos to most, can be inspiration to him. Something he started months ago, could magically find a purpose only because he spotted it again while working on something else. I expect many amazing creations to be born out of his imagination.

It's OK to let them fail

“You have to let him fail.”

Someone I trust said this to me recently. It’s something that I needed to hear, so I could take a step back from the “over-mothering” I do so well…and at times, not so well.

I am going to own what I’m doing wrong as a parent: I’m pushing him to be me. I didn’t know it, but looking back objectively, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I’m pressuring him to succeed. I’m expecting him to be me. For goodness sake! Look at him! He looks like me. He behaves like me. He becomes overwhelmed by the same things as me. He is me…

No, he's just a boy. I get so caught up in wanting him to be successful, I lose sight of this and end up pushing him to be someone else. I'm stealing valuable life lessons from him by not letting him try to succeed on his own. I need to snap out of it. He is a boy trying to find his way. He is a boy trying to discover who he is and who he wants to be, but he can’t because his mom is still trying to direct his every move. I'm finding it difficult let go of the boy who always turned to me for help, and accept he has now grown into someone who wants to be his own person. I need to accept that he can't always be successful. He needs to fail sometimes, and when he does fail, he'll be just fine.

I have started to remind myself daily to back off and to choose my words wisely. I now offer my time, but only if he needs me. I don’t force my time upon him. I'm keeping the "do it my way" to myself. I'm starting to stand back and watch him succeed or fail on his own. Whatever happens will be his victory to celebrate or his failure to learn from. 

I need to remember, "It’s OK to let him fail."

How to turn your mom into a crazy loon

 

I don't understand how it happens. One minute I'm making dinner because my 6 year-old is hungry, then the next 40 minutes I'm fighting with my child trying to convince him that he is in fact able to go into the bathroom by himself to wash up for dinner. He is pulling out all the stops to get me to drop everything in the kitchen and walk him to the bathroom. In other words, he's expertly taking control over dinner time and turning it into an argument that I don't want any part of:

• Owen: I'm scared to go by myself.
  Me: The light is on. You'll be fine.
• The movie last night scared me.
  Go wash your hands. Your dinner is getting cold.
• Why did you make dinner if the brothers aren't home?
  Because you said you were hungry.
• Why is your bedroom door closed?
  Because it's messy and I don't want to look at it.
• Open your door. It scares me closed.
• I'm not going to wash my hands if you don't reheat my dinner.
  I'm done talking about this. If you are hungry, go wash your hands.
• Will you reheat my dinner after I wash my hands?
  Yes
• Why aren't you reheating my dinner?
  Because you haven't washed your hands.
• Why can't someone else go with me?
  Because we are the only ones home.
• You're so mean making your child starve.
  I'm not making you starve. You're not washing your hands, so you are choosing not to eat.

You really must image that exchange with a whole lot of crying and wailing thrown in for effect. We do some form of this dance every day. It's exhausting and completely absurd. I know I am partially to blame for this crazy cycle we're stuck in. I tend to hyper focus on what I am doing, so I don't notice what is going on around me. By the time I realize what is happening, it's too late and I've lost a battle that should have never happened in the first place! I am convinced that I will be completely gray and crazy by the time my baby goes to college.

 

Swirly words make no sense

 

Do you remember being a kid and all the crazy thoughts that ran through your head? Words and pictures just swirled round and round, and then you opened your mouth, but only a tenth of what you were thinking came spilling out? Like Owen the other day with his, "I'm not tired. I'm British." I would love to know what the other 90% was swirling in that melon of his. It's amusing to watching my kids grow and change and process all the information being thrown at them. It's a wonder they ever make any sense at all.

The swirling thoughts are best when they result in a question that catches me by surprise. Filled with curiosity or absurdity, I try not to laugh, but I do crack a lot of smiles while I think over the answer. I try to be cautious with my answers, because I can be hopelessly thoughtless when I open my mouth. I sometimes think I was born without a filter or just plain old common sense. I can't tell you how many times my husband has pointed out what I've said, explained the possible impact, ending with me hanging my head in disbelief that I could be so clueless or insensitive. Our kids are no exception, so I try to slow down and take special care. Children tend to do as you do, not as you say. While the lessons we try to teach them verbally are important, how Russ and I behave and conduct ourselves carries far more weight. I want them to see that their question is important and requires some thought before I just blurt out an answer. They are funny little boys with crazy thoughts that come flying out of their mouths, and I love that. So far they are taking after me with the speak now, think later thing. But I also remind myself that kids are open books, so I shouldn't worry. They haven't learned what filters are and how to use them. They innocently tell you exactly what they are thinking. Right now, I can't get enough of it. I just hope as they grow into adults, they don't inherit my "foot in mouth" syndrome. It will be Russ's job to make sure that doesn't happen.

For the love of writing. For the love of ME.

I started this blog years ago because I love to write and tell stories about my family. It was a good way for our extended family to keep up with the everyday silliness and absurdities we called our life. You've been able to see what annoys us, when we are sick, when someone reaches a milestone, or when someone does something endearing. Over the last several years, though, it has become harder and harder to write. To say it simply, "Our lives have become more complicated."

A lot has happened to us, but I won't bore you with that. I will say that our hard times made an impact on my priorities and writing about what was happening wasn't one of them. Lately I have come to realize there's been a shift. Our lives have changed, our outlook has changed, the load we carry feels a bit lighter. With all this light breaking through the darkness, I feel like I'm still standing in the shadows wanting to feel the sun on my face. The sun is there. All I have to do is look up. I've spent a good chunk of my time taking care of everyone else and making them happy, that I've lost touch with myself and what makes me happy. Writing made me happy because it was "me" time. I loved to take time crafting a story out of something that caught my attention. Instead, my "me" time is 5 minutes here and there of checking my accounts and posting little snippets of our life on Facebook and Instagram. Kind of funny. If you are familiar with What's up with the Fullers? and Just a Moment in Fuller Time, you might see those 2 blogs were exactly what I post in social media only in more detail.

Now I'm back. How lame was I to just let this go? This was my joy. I miss writing. A LOT. Hoping I can find my groove again and find fun things to write about. Fingers crossed...

Little stinker broke his wrist

Well, it finally happened. Our first broken bone. It happened at tennis lessons. The kids had all just finished stretching, so they were running their lap around the court. An older girl tried to pass Owen at a corner and pushed him in the process. Down he went. He ended up with a chunk of skin gone from the bridge of his nose and a scraped up knee. I had Russ go to the clubhouse to fill a ziplock with ice for Owen's nose. We had no clue about the arm. Owen usually bounces right back when he falls down, but when he wouldn't stop crying we finally clued in that something was really wrong. At that point I felt stupid for icing his face instead of the arm. Once we got Owen to identify where his arm hurt, I immediately started icing it. That's when we left early to go to the ER, but first we had to stop at home because we didn't have Owen's medical card with us. By the time we were actually on our way to the hospital, Owen was sound asleep in the back seat. I kept checking his arm and his wrist was only slightly swollen. So there we sat in the car not knowing what to do. We finally called our on-call pediatrician. He told us if Owen was comfortable and his arm wasn't looking disfigured, he could see him in the morning and send us for x-rays. If the result was a broken bone, then he would refer us to a orthopedic doctor to set and cast the arm. He suggested we wrap it in an ace bandage for the night and give him some ibuprofen for the pain. Since Owen was sleeping comfortably, we chose to do that.

The next day was a busy doctor day! We had the wrist wrapped in a splint and sling at the pediatrician's office, followed by the x-rays and ending with a cast at the orthopedic doctor. He was so brave at each appointment, too. He didn't cry once, even when the doctors poked at his wrist. Luckily, Owen slowed down a bit and was pretty gentle with his arm most of the day. It was obvious that he was doing his best not to bump it. Once the cast was on, though, all bets were off. He was banging the cast on a table at Cookie's Drive In saying, "See? It doesn't hurt!" 4-6 weeks of that. Thankfully we payed the extra money to have a waterproof cast put on. Now he can take a shower and still go swimming. He's got to be able to do something since tennis, bikes, and scooters are out until he regains his grip...well tennis and bikes anyway. He's already decided there is no way he's giving up the scooter. :)

Breaking News! Blog being updated!

Instead of writing a mini novel to catch you all up on our lives, here is the semi-quick run down:

• The school year began and ended successfully. Brandon finally found a best friend and became far more social that he's ever been. He did well academically and even excelled in math. He had a wonderful teacher. Mr. Myers was so great, I have a hard time believing we will ever run into a better teacher. It was very difficult to say good-bye to him.
• Dylan participated in a pilot Early Kindergarten program at a local school. It is a 2-yr kindergarten program for kids who are old enough for kindergarten, but just aren't ready academically or socially. Dylan just bloomed under Mrs. Lehman's love and guidance. We had our doubts that Dylan would learn anything at all, but his teacher's Waldorf teaching method really worked for him. Dylan is ready for kindergarten and is a very confident kid now. Dylan even found himself a best friend, as well.
• I did quite a bit of volunteering at both schools this year. While I often didn't have the time to spare, I was glad that I was able to help in the classroom and get to know all the kids, as well as the teachers.
• This was Dylan's year of introduction to organized sports. So far he's loved everything he's tried: soccer, t-ball, swimming and tennis. He is very talented and learns quickly. He gets so excited that you often see him bouncing up and down because he can't contain himself. It's pretty darned cute.
• Brandon is continuing to play baseball, and has started swimming and tennis as well. While he enjoys himself, he's more interested in the social aspect of each sport more than anything else. For him, winning is a bonus, not a goal.
• Owen has joined swim team with his brothers. Practices started May 2nd, and he is finally kicking, using his arms and trying to breathe. Hoping he will actually try to do all that in the next swim meet, rather than hang onto his helper hitching a ride to the other end of the pool. He has also started taking tennis lessons with his brothers. He does surprisingly well for being only 4 years old.
• Russ eased himself into coaching baseball this year. He really wanted to be a helper at practices, but somehow ended up being one of the coaches. While he knows little about the baseball, he knew enough to keep practices going and help out on the field during games. He enjoyed himself, and Brandon just loved having his dad being that involved in his sport. It took much more out of Russ than he thought, so he's not so sure he wants to do that again next year.
• We joined a swim and tennis club so all the boys could participate on swim team. We are so happy with that decision. The boys are learning water safety and having fun in the process. Although, they are not happy having to get up so early for swim meets. Brandon's best friend, Tommy, is also a member and on swim team, so we'll be seeing a lot of him and his family this summer. Good thing all the boys get along and we really like his parents.
• Speaking of this new family we are friends with, we are finding that we are spending quite a bit of time together doing things we don't typically do, like going to the drive-in, hitting balls at the driving range (kids too), having dinner together and going out for frozen treats.
• The boys have discovered the public library in McKinley Park. They each have their own library cards and get so excited to find new books or movies they can borrow. Brandon had a very hard time with his reading comprehension this last year, so I have high hopes that this ability to control what he takes home will spark his interest in reading at home more.
• Russ & I celebrated our 10 year anniversary this year. We'd been planning for years to go back to where we got married, but it just didn't work out. Instead we tried to make it special by doing things we don't normally do together, so we went out to a late breakfast and played some tennis. After a long nap, we went out for a sushi dinner. Our mom's were kind enough to keep the kids a couple of nights, so we didn't have to worry about school drop offs or pick ups or baseball practices.
• The boys have been asking to go to the beach for many months now. Diane made that possible for them last month. We took them out of school for a few days so they could play and build forts on the beach and hang out at the Boardwalk. They got their fix and so did we.
• Because the boys are just learning to swim, they can only participate in home meets and they swim with a coach during their "race". Their very first swim meet was in the pouring rain. I swore they were going to have such a bad experience that they would never want to come back again. I was dead wrong. Despite shivering and being miserably cold out of the water, they loved the swimming and the hanging out with friends between races. Looks like we will be involved with swim team for many years to come.
• I created a yearbook for Brandon's 2nd grade class. I worked on it for 2 solid days. Once I saw the finished product, I was so happy that I worked as meticulously as I did. The printed version turned out better than I thought it would. I would love to do it again next year...well, only if I'm able to work on it throughout the year. That 2 day cramming just about killed me.
• The last week of school was a crazy busy time. Brandon and Dylan's classes had so many special events that we were not able to attend all of them. Between Russ & I we did our best to rearrange our work schedules so we could be there for as many as we could. The boys ended the year with a bang and can't wait for school to start all over again. They both admitted they are going to miss their friends this summer, but they are looking forward to sleeping in.
• Brandon had his first sleepover at his best friend's house. He says he and T stayed up so late, they went to sleep when the sun came up. I seriously doubt that, but I'm sure it felt that late to him. He really enjoyed himself and can't wait to have his friend stay with us.

Ok, that was a mini novel, but there was a lot to be said I guess. Hopefully I'll be able to keep up this writing over the summer...

Dylan's new adventure

Dylan recently finished his first year of soccer. He LOVED it! He was a bit timid at first. He wasn't sure he'd be able to do it. After his very first practice, though, he looked at me, eyes shining and said, "I can do it!" He was so proud of himself and finally realized that he really is a big boy now. Practices were so much fun for him.

The day of his first game, we drove over to the school, and he completely freaked out. He didn't want to play at the school in front of all those people. He wanted his first game to be at the park where he practiced with only our parents. He flat refused to play in the game. Afterwards he said he didn't want all those people to see him. Way too scary! I told him that all those mommies and daddies weren't there to watch him play, they were there to see their own little boy or little girl play. Once Dylan determined that no one was going to see him play, he willingly walked onto the field for game 2. When he wasn't chasing the ball, he was jumping up and down because he was so excited to be playing. It was down right adorable.

Dylan had a fantastic season. As the weeks flew by, Dylan blossomed and naturally gravitated towards defense. That was kind of a shocker because he started the season out strong on offense. He was an awesome defender charging at anyone who came near him and the goal. It didn't matter how big the player was, Dylan only saw the ball and made sure it was going the opposite direction when he was done. I've never seen Dylan happier.

The Saturday before Thanksgiving was the last game of the season. Dylan was quite upset he wasn't going to be playing soccer anymore. He got over it as soon as we reminded him that he would get a trophy at the team party. That snapped him right out of his funk. He spent the whole party running around the pizza place with all his little friends. So many kids were calling his name, I couldn't help being happy for him. He's changed a lot since this summer. Not all of it has to do with his soccer experience, although it did play a big part.